Being Pictured vs. Being Seen
Aja was truly such a blessing to have in the studio. I knew it was going to be an enriching session when she thoroughly went through the client closet and picked out so many fun things to try. This line of work is almost always a blessing, watching people unfold in front of my camera is a rare gift that I didn’t know I would get to experience in this life. However, Aja’s session hit home a little bit more as we connected deeply, laughed lots and as a writer herself, she was able to capture what was so magical about her session.
Aja generously offered to write about her experience in the studio, so here it is for all of you to read. This kind of work is healing is a real sneaky way…
Not too long before I decided to book my session with Megs, I got sick of applying therapy, and breathing, and positive self talk, and self care, and mindfulness and good food and everything else to the “superbug” of my pain. (Mad Pisces vibes, right? It’s okay, you can laugh) Like any responsible grown up would do, I decided that I needed “something…different” to gain easier access to this material, and to try to loosen what felt like binds on my adventurous heart that just wanted some freedom and rest.
So I pulled the trigger, booked my session, and showed up to my shoot with my favourite high rise maroon panties, an old army green skirt with slits up both sides, and a leather crop top that I scored at Krazy Bins for $5 during the summer with my sister in law. Now, I realize that at this point in the story, there is strong potential for both a terrible fall to the bottom of life’s barrel, and also a triumphant climb to the top of life’s mountain. I guess the most important thing to note here is that YES. Life is both a barrel and a mountain. And it’s also a unicorn, an ocean, a pinecone, a box of cheerios, a spider, a cup of cold coffee, a wintery night, a summer breeze…I’ll stop there but we both know how long this list could be…
I had done a boudoir shoot in the past, so I was past the nerves of my initial boudoir experience. The way that this one started though, even before any clicks, was different. I filled out an in depth questionnaire that touched on my most cherished values and what I wanted to get out of my experience. In the past, I had been made-up (with the wrong foundation colour, because Black-people-problems), given sultry outfits and told to put my hands in my hair, pop my booty, or follow the camera. The pictures were well edited, clean, very sexy and magazine worthy.
That curation was a necessary step in my boudoir journey. However, I knew that this time I needed more than just my body or my hair to be seen. This is a wish that is exceptionally difficult to describe to someone. It’s a very subtle thing, and in my opinion can only be tenderly held, open palmed, by someone who’s walked through the fire of projections and emerged on the other side with a shattered mirror. That shattering of the mirror is the natural consequence of getting deeply embodied and no longer needing to be told, or rather reflected to, from the outside who it is that you are. There were parts of me that I could hear the whispers of, but could no longer locate within myself.
I have vivid memories of being a vibrant little girl, glowing and showing in the brightness of various energies, and somehow, unfortunately, and unknowingly, these parts had been quieted and I slowly stepped back into the (safe) hollows of my being. Stepping in front of the camera, chuckling and moving intuitively with the gentle tones of thoughtfully selected music, the powerful prayers of lit incense swirling about us, I sank into the deepest parts of my heart, and LET. GO….just like I did as a whimsical 8 year old.
When I showed up to look at my finished photos, I began to cry as I witnessed myself unfolding and emerging, or rather reemerging, through my collection of photos. I saw my sass and my fire. My exhibitionist and my philosopher and my inner fairy. I saw my evocativitiy and my provocativity, and my Lilith and also my deep reverence. I experienced my daringness in my completely nude photos (so glad I took the leap in those moments!), and my wit and liveliness in my laughing photos, as we joked about the preteen boys out the window (If you’re reading this, and your son saw my boobs that day…rest assured that I’ve nursed and birthed 6 babies so his perspective of a “real” female body will be on point). I saw my seriousness, and my heart’s deepest desire to contribute to making the world more beautiful. And I saw healing. In myself, and in my sister. In the gentle way that she encouraged me and asked before reaching out to touch or adjust an item. In the fierce way she glared out the window at the running preteen feet that would DARE approach this sacred space with such casualty.
I will say that, as someone who supports people in healing and moving forward, it takes someone who has done the hard and deep work on themselves, to be able to show up this way for someone else. As I sobbed, embarrassingly, in Meg’s chair, I told her that people need to see this incredible work that she does. Women need to experience this. Girls need to have spaces like this and men need to know how to support their cherished women in these profound acts of enlivening. This was several months ago and I am still moved by the power of the gentleness and honesty that I encountered that day, and how pivotal that experience was for me. Women need women…we’re just built to need each other, end of story. Where else in creation do you find that a whole segment of the populace can co-regulate their hormonal and reproductive cycles with the same aspect of nature (the moon), just by being in each other’s company?
This natural movement towards unity, sharing and community can (and does!) express itself so many ways in life. And it makes it clear, just like Meg’s photography exemplifies, that there is a vast difference in being pictured, and being seen. Seek the latter.
Your heart will thank you, I promise.
XX,
Aja Celeste
Celeste is an astrologer, writer, healthcare worker, healer, artist, musician and mom of 6 young kiddos, among other things. She shares her experience, wisdom and expertise in both consciousness and motherhood over at ThatZoiLife.com. She loves to teach and to read, and has committed this season of her life to serving humanity through conscious motherhood, and serving her own soul through making time and space for the things that bring her deep joy.
During her spare time, you can find her gardening, hanging out with her sphynx cat, and renovating her 100 year old farmhouse. She believes in hope above all things, and is convinced that there is magic in the mundane, and mundane in the magic.
You can read more about her journey in becoming the “Median Woman” or book an astrology consultation with her here. You can also follow her on Instagram @ ThatZoiLife or on Facebook at AstroMountainWithCeleste.
